There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
