the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
