its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
