At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
