some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
