Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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