i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
