Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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