i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
