my mouth tastes like poor choices
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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