??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
