FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
