i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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