This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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