I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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