Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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