you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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