I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Do you have feelings for this penis?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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