I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
