found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
