God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
