So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
