so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
