I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
