no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You ruined the universe
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
