ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
