return my video game
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
why do cheetos always look like penises
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
