His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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