you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
