you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
