What did we do last night that was yellow?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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