Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
