Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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