I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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