The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
