Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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