Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
