perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
