Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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