Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
