I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
