Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
