This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
