If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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