You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
