I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
