I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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