No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
