Nicole vs. Life
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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