Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
