Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
