I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
