chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
