I wish I could punch you in the face.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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