Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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