after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
