I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
