i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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