My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
